Grand Notions

by Dan Sanders

8:05

 

Great to see you too. I know, I know, it really flies. It really does. Thanks, you look great too. Everybody looks really great. A lot more people here than I would have thought – a good turn out. Well, thanks for putting it together, it couldn’t have been easy finding everyone. Oh. Well, yeah, right, Facebook helps. But still, you must be busy with the kids.

 

No, hahahahahaha, no no, never – haven’t found the right girl. But it’ll happen. I’m so busy, it’s hard to find the – oh, I’m in an office position. It’s kind of technical, but it’s — I still try to act on the weekends, but no, it didn’t quite pan out. It’s a tough industry. It really is. Oh, well thanks. They were fun, I really always loved doing the plays. I try. There’s a local theater I keep in touch with, but I work weekends. No, not in the office. At Callahans. Oh yeah, I’ve seen her in there too. She’s in there from time to time. Just waiting tables, helping out when I can. Economic downturn and all, they needed the help. Yeah. So. It’s fun though, you know, I like it. Beats the data entry thing. Oh – well yeah, that’s a part of it. It’s not all I do, but it’s a small part, the data entry. But yeah yeah, no, I understand, I should mingle too. Great to see you too, thanks again for putting this all together.

 

 

8:45

 

Bob! Man good to see you too man. Man, yeah been a while, man. Fifteen years I guess, right? That’s what it said on the invite, but I still don’t believe it.  Oh, thanks.  I try.  I was going to Golbs Gym in Horsham but I had to drop it. I wasn’t really going, work got just crazy and then the weekend thing too. Oh, just some freelance projects.

 

No you look great, you do. Well yeah, if you’re on call, I can see where it’d be tough. Babies aren’t going to deliver themselves, right. Oh no, I quit all that. It’s not a business you want to be in if you have morals. I’ll just say that. It’s a lot of backstabbing. Really phony. I don’t really miss it.

 

She said that? Yeah, well Data Entry is really only part of it. How weird for her to gossip? Right? July of all people! What a shocker. Anyway – I’m the manager of a team of Data Entrists. Enter-ists. With an S. No, I’m the manager. I’m not just sitting in a cube all day alone by myself or something.

 

Oh, we do a lot of Big Data. Yeah, it’s weird that it’s kind of a buzzword lately, I was in early. About seven years ago? Big Data. Yeah. I was kinda running things right away though. So I never really did any data entry in a cube like that. Right now we’re doing a lot of the Data Entry – I should say Big Data – for the government. What? Oh, ours. The United States government.  I’m overseeing that. Not the whole government.  But like, 20 or 30 Data Entrists. Hard to keep track. So busy. Government contract and all. I really love it a lot, a lot a lot,  but it is very very stressful. No, I’m sure. I can see how delivering a baby would be about as stressful. Probably about the same.

 

 

9:30

 

Well that must be fascinating, Solar Energy is kind of a big thing these days. Still not proven, though, right? I heard it wasn’t great. Well lets hope you’re the engineer to do it, because enough already with Big Oil, right?  I get it. I relate. No, I thought about going into the Green Energy boom, but I was so tied up with this Big Government Contract and do you know Callahans? You do? Yeah, that’s my restaurant. I bought that after the Big Government Contract came in. No, a lot of people think Larry Callahan still owns it, but he’s a drunk and he sold it to me because I got this huuge money from this Government Contract. Big Data. Big Big Data. Huge Data. Yeah.

 

Hm? Oh.  The CIA. I handle all their data. It’s – right – can’t really say precisely what it is because of the security clearances. More than one. Plural clearances. Someone is probably watching me right now, right? “Hey remember at the 15 Year reunion when Matt got assassinated?” “It was so gross! Oh my god, his head!” That’s you guys talking about it. At the 20 year reunion. Rght? C’mon, that’s fun.

 

No, never did. So busy with the CIA stuff. Hard to find the right girl. Yeah. But, I guess, in a way, I’m married to living in a free country. So, you’re welcome for that.

 

11:13

Look, guys, this is how it went down. They were like “Look at this! Who’s gonna handle all this fucking data?” And then some dude, right, he’s like oh wait – and they’re in like a windowless room down in the earth – and some dude was like “Get Matt Lansky!” And they pushed a button and yelled “Get Lansky on the phone!”. That’s how deep this thing goes. It goes all the way to the top. Right? Guys. Listen. All this stuff? This glass? I data it. It’s all data, really. I enter it the data. You got data, you come to Matt Lanksy. Not the president, but, there’s another guy and he calls me when there’s data? You know what?. I get it. You get it. It’s not Solar Baby delivery but it’s still pretty – whatever. This is how it worked out. Whatever.

 

No. That toothpaste commercial? It was a cover story. I’m top secret. CIA, man. Plus, I feel sorry for those assholes. Sad weirdos. “Look at me Look at me” They NEED that. They can have it. It’s all bad. You know? Gross. Just gross. What? No Callhands wasn’t a cover story. I quit Callahands yesterday. That guy Larry is a pedophile. I don’t know, probably. What do you know about it Dave? You’re bullshit, how about that. You were always bullshit, Dave. You know what? Dave? Your name is Bullshit Dave. Cheers to that!

 

1:45

Hands off me! Yeah. Good to see you too, assholes. Always the same assholes. No, you’re the same. I’m the best. Big Data Matt. Government contract Matt. Gonna drone your houses. I’ll call the governement and drone strike you assholes. Go home to your wife and your kids and your drone strikes. Big Time Matt gonna make it happen!


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Next Week’s Prompt: Cat and Mouse

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